NOT FOR NO REASON

“It doesn’t matter how long I live, but what really matters is how I live”

Being born into a religious family, I’m really grateful that God placed me in that setting. My dad and mom were very active in church life, leading me to ponder “what were they looking for with that way of life?” Nevertheless, social life also remained an important part of their lives. My dad and mom always participated in all community activities including cultural activities. In cultural life, as a little girl I observed many things I could not understand or even make sense of. At a very young age, I once asked my mom about all the cultural matters. But she said: ” My daughter, you don’t understand it yet. When you are mature enough, you will understand it.” Still, there was a great inner dilemma. I felt a strong call to go beyond culture. It was perhaps then that God was presenting me with a situation.

Years changed to school age, and attended Catholic Schools from Primary – Junior High School. I loved going to church. No Sunday was ever skipped. I would feel guilty or sinful if I didn’t go to church. One moment while sitting in front of my grandmother’s house which happened to be opposite the Church, School and Convent, I saw a very tall and beautiful Sister walking. I was fascinated and deeply absorbed in the sight. I quietly told myself, ah I want to be just like her. I knew that the call to be a Sister had been instilled in me from the moment the Divine Designer thought and planned me. It’s just that God revealed something to me to alert me to His plan for me.

Born into a big family, I was caring for my three younger siblings. I bathed, baby-sat and fed them. I joyfully did it all. I was a child who was very quiet and not much of a talker. My mom and dad were really proud of me. I could do all my chores and many other things. They entrusted me with many responsibilities and it always made them grateful. So time passed, until one day, my eyes were dazzled again by the FCJM aspirants after mass in the Church. The aspirants looked different, simple yet modest. The call to be a Sister came back to life in me. Eventually, I decided to enter the convent. My dad and mom let me have the freedom to make that decision by saying: Daughter, if you feel that this is the best choice for you, go ahead. We can only pray and support whatever you choose. Because this is your life. Those words really made me free and happy to decide on my choice. Finally, I joined the FCJM Congregation which I had not known before.

However, I know that this is part of the Divine Designer’s plan. He guides me to a certain path while waiting for the perfect time for me to answer His call. I went to a public school and the majority of my classmates were non-Catholics. Out of 48 students, there were only three Catholic students – two boys and one girl. That girl was me. Nevertheless, the school experience, despite being the minority, was wonderful. Time went on, until we entered the Postulancy and Novitiate period.

My Novitiate was a milestone experience in my vocational journey. At that time, I learned about the life of the Foundress of the FCJM Congregation, Mother Clara Pfaender. A great feeling that has been my strength to this day. I found similar spirit with her. I desire to live deeper, not just to live. For me,  “it doesn’t matter how long I live, but what really matters is how I live”. That principle has always been an inspiration to me: I don’t want to be just a Sister, but I want to be a real Sister. I want to live not just according to rules and regulations, but according to God’s original design for me.

This principle of life inspires me to persevere in my efforts to “become a real Sister living in the spirit of the Foundress of the Congregation”. Like Mother Clara, I rely on the Word of God, not on the words of people. The words of the Foundress: “Life is a mystery of Divine Providence” resonated with my earlier understanding that my life is God’s own design. There are many things I do not understand, but He still leads me on His path. The ability to understand life is mostly determined by my relationship with the Divine Designer. He thought, designed and made me to exist for His mission in the world. I therefore realize that I am in the world for the great mission of the One who called me.

From the very beginning God prepared me for my roles in the Congregation. He trained me to be a formator since childhood, starting from the time I took care of my younger siblings, became a primary school teacher from grade 1 to grade 6, a junior high school teacher from grade 7-9, and a senior high school teacher from grade 10-12. Then before assuming my present role, I was entrusted to care for and accompany the young members of the Congregation in the Indonesian Province. I loved this responsibility. It was indeed a blessed journey to be able to be walking together with the young members of the Congregation. Now, God is inviting me to be a companion not only to the young ones, but to all the members of the FCJM Congregation.

The path of my life, my family, school, environment, community, the places I visit and all the people I meet and live with have been designed by Him from the beginning. This is what is so amazing about the One who created me. He not only brought me into existence, but designed the entire life journey for me. Now that I am entrusted with the responsibilities of the International level of the Congregation, it is also part of His plan. I can only simply declare at all times: I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to Your will (Lk 1,38). This “Yes” has brought me many blessings and miracles in my life. “Yes” has enabled me to explore the endless love of the Designer. I don’t know what His plans are for me in the future, but one thing I can always trust is that He continues to design me to be the perfect person in His sight. Thank you, Designer of my life. I come to do Your will now and forever. Being a Sister means constantly surrendering to the Divine will, allowing oneself to be continually designed according to His ways.

Thus, God’s design from the beginning is real and meaningful to the world in which I exist. There are a lot of challenging things in life, but it’s not a reason to give up and moan. Instead, I am aware that it is part of His design, His path that I must walk as proof of my original divinity that has been crafted by the Divine Designer. The extraordinary times call for extraordinary actions. This Foundress’ words are relevant at all times. Being an FCJM also requires us to keep updating ourselves. In the Franciscan spirit, we must be a person who is ready and willing to change into the person God wants us to be. In all aspects of life, openness is important without losing our identity. Nothing is impossible for Him. What is needed is the willingness and openness of each person to be designed by Him. No one could deny that God is the one who designed us all to be the best we can be. It’s our responsibility to be a living image of God in this world. He lives in each of us. The beauty of His divinity shines through our lives and that’s how we can be a small light in the world.